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How do you find people to be more vulnerable with?
After reading the posts on this site and listening to the podcast you might be thinking you want to find some guys to have your own vulnerable conversations with. But where on earth do you find them?
A great place is in your friendships. However, if you aren’t ready to open up there just yet then a really good place to start is by hiring a coach or a therapist. Let’s go with coach for now because it sounds kind of manly (a coach vs a therapist or a psychologist) and you might feel more comfortable talking to others about your coach.
At the start of this year I was really struggling. My business wasn’t going so well and I was becoming really resentful towards my customers and readers. Back in Australia I had a psychologist I saw who really helped with giving me clarity around approaching my business and relationships. However, having relocated to the US, I felt like I didn’t have someone like that who I could turn to. So, I reached out to a group of friends and one of them set me up with Jeff.
Jeff has been my coach since February. It’s largely thanks to him that Heartmen and I Love You Man have come into being. Our sessions together dug this desire to talk about being a more vulnerable man up from the non-practical ideas area that I had spent years of my life covering in cement.
In this episode we talk about his transition from 6’5″ flute player in the marching band and college favourite baseball player to successful (and unfulfilled) entrepreneur to being a father of a beautiful girl and a coach of high level Silicon Valley executives.
“I truly believe you can’t give anything you don’t have” [tweetthis]”I truly believe you can’t give anything you don’t have” – @thegivegive[/tweetthis]
Get in contact with Jeff at does health insurance pay for viagra.
Here are my notes and quotes from chatting with Jeff:
- Maker’s Time: Jeff sets aside 2.5 days every other week (we’d call that a fortnight in Australia) for what he calls Maker’s Time. That’s time he uses to read, watch videos, write about things that he wants to learn about.
- ‘The best thing I could possibly to do be effective is to do the work myself, on myself.’ [tweetthis]’The best thing I could possibly to do be effective is to do the work myself, on myself.’ – @thegivegive[/tweetthis]
- You can give by just being curious. ‘Everything you learn gets shared with everyone else.’
- Role Models: How do we find good role models when you like music and sport and science fiction and more? Jeff talks about being the odd one out in school, playing both flute in the marching band and being a start baseball player.
- The Power of Having Kids: After Jeff’s Mum passed away when he was 19, an unspoken rift grew in their family as they all struggled to deal with grief in their own way. Jeff shares how he and his wife having a daughter has opened up a conversation and allowed a lot of healing to occur.
- Pain vs Discomfort: As men we like to reduce the discomfort and pain of those around us. We like to fix things and make solutions. Jeff and I talk about how damaging that actually is. Discomfort leads to growth, if we avoid discomfort we miss out on a lot of life’s experiences and the opportunity to be our best selves. Jeff also shares the difference between pain and discomfort and how we actually do want to keep avoiding pain.
- What would I like? As humans we tend to focus on what we don’t want. This isn’t really helpful for creating a life that we do want. Jeff dives in to how powerful this question is in creating choice in your life and start taking ownership of your life. Make sure you listen through to this part!